Both Sides of the Family, How Friendship Becomes More: Lessons From Jenn & Ken

Friendship like this doesn’t just happen. It isn’t built by accident or by keeping walls up. It takes vulnerability, intention, and years of showing up.

That’s what makes our friendship with Jenn and Ken so special. For nearly twenty years, we’ve lived life together in ways big and small, raising kids, cheering at events, navigating loss, celebrating milestones, planning trips, and creating traditions that stick. We’ve learned that deep friendship requires being willing to let people see the messy, not just the polished.

And while Jenn might prefer to deny that emotions exist, the truth is she is one of the deepest feelers and thinkers we know (don’t tell her we said that). She and Ken have taught us so much about how to think, how to listen, and how to love people with both head and heart.

We’ve worked at this friendship. We’ve found ways to connect on projects, in classrooms, and at conferences. We’ve carved out time for vacations and adventures, even if it meant hauling kids and luggage halfway across the country. We’ve shared dreams on long bike rides, laughs over cocktails (yes, even the infamous Malört experiment - see below), and encouragement in our both sides of the family text threads that have become our own lifelines and connection points.

We’ve been there for the small, tender moments too: celebrating first teeth lost, swapping recipes that became staples in each other’s homes, creating holiday traditions that made our kids feel like cousins (because they are). These little rituals, the meals, the milestones, the memories, are what knit us together as much as the big trips and projects.

We love them dearly, and we know it goes both ways. This isn’t one-sided, it’s mutual, intentional, chosen again and again. And that’s what makes it rare.

What We’ve Learned Along the Way

✔️ Proximity isn’t the secret—intention is. We live two states apart, but our traditions, texts, and trips make the distance disappear.

✔️ Kids thrive when they’re surrounded. Studies show children with multiple trusted adults outside their immediate family grow up more resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy. Our kids see Jenn and Ken as aunt and uncle. Their Lulu sees us as family. That belonging matters.

✔️ Shared projects deepen trust. Whether it’s a book, a bike ride, or planning a trip, working toward something together builds closeness in ways that small talk can’t.

✔️ Differences don’t have to divide. We don’t see eye-to-eye on everything, faith, politics, even baseball teams, but respect and curiosity keep us connected. Love is bigger than the divides.

✔️ Community makes life healthier. Harvard’s 85-year study on adult development found that close relationships are the single strongest predictor of long-term happiness and health. People with deep connections live longer, get sick less often, and recover faster.

Why This Matters

Too often, we assume friendship will take care of itself. But deep, sustaining friendships, the kind that last decades, don’t happen without effort. They require planning, vulnerability, shared traditions, and the courage to let people see your whole self.

They also require forgiveness and flexibility. Not every season will be equal. Sometimes you’ll be the one showing up more; other times you’ll be the one receiving. But the give-and-take is what makes it real.

An Encouragement

If you have friends who feel like family, don’t take it for granted. Nurture it. Send the text. Make the trip. Start a tradition that will outlive a busy season. If you don’t yet, be open. Vulnerability is the soil where deep friendship grows.

We’re grateful beyond words for Jenn and Ken. This episode of Running Ahrens is a wonderful sharing to the kind of friendships that carry us through.

👉 Episode 13: Designing Friendship with Jenn & Ken Visocky-O’Grady

Because in the end, it’s not about finding people who agree with you on everything. It’s about finding the ones who keep showing up, no matter what.

—Justin & Sarah

PS: Try the Two Step Dads if you dare:

The Two Step Dads Recipe:

4oz Rye
1oz Sweet Vermouth
.5oz Reposado Tequila
.5oz Jeppson’s Malort
Dash of Turkish Tobacco Bitters
Mezcal Rinse

Stir and serve up or over big rock ice

From Jersey to Whistle: What #66 is Teaching Me Now

Jackson wore #66 when he played football for Batavia Bulldog Football. He wasn’t the loudest on the field, he was steady. Always thinking two steps ahead. For him, football was never just a sport. It was a puzzle to solve. A system to understand.

And now, he’s back on that same field. Only this time, he’s the one holding the whistle. Coaching freshmen. Pouring into kids who are just starting out. And wouldn’t you know it, one of his players is wearing #66.

This season of life we’re in feels textured. Our house is full again. The fridge empties faster than we can stock it. We’re figuring out what it means to parent in a whole new way. It’s messy and beautiful, often at the same time.

Football has always been part of our family’s rhythm.

• Justin played at Illinois Wesleyan. An injury cut his playing short, but his Titan teammates are still like brothers to him.

• Quinn won a national championship at North Central, carrying lessons of grit and humility we still see shaping him today.

• And me? One of Justin and my very first dates was a Notre Dame Football experience - starting with a Friday night movie, Rudy. The next morning, we were in South Bend at a Notre Dame tailgate. I held the Heisman Trophy in my hands, and we watched the Irish beat USC. That weekend sealed something for both of us.

We love football. We love sports in general. Not just for the game, but for what they teach: discipline, resilience, teamwork, humility, preparation, tradition, heart.

And I’ll be honest, I loved the sideline years too. The cold bleachers, the crockpot dinners, the carpools, the Friday night lights. They were exhausting, yes, but also holy ground. Because that’s where you get to watch your kids learn the hard lessons in real time.

Now to see Jackson step into coaching, becoming the kind of leader he once needed, it humbles me. He sees the game and the kid. He carries forward what was poured into him. And now he’s passing it on with quiet strength.

That’s what I’m learning too:
✔️ What shapes us becomes what we pass on.
✔️ God wastes nothing, not the practices, not the setbacks, not the victories.
✔️ Parenting shifts from guiding to watching, and that’s its own bittersweet gift.

Watching your kids become who they were created to be is both ache and awe. It makes your heart burst with pride and break with gratitude at the same time.

Life isn’t linear. It bends, it loops, it circles back. Sometimes it brings you right back home, only now, you’re the one on the sideline, watching your child carry it forward. Tears close, heart full, grateful beyond words.

If you’ve ever stood on the sideline and watched your child step into their purpose, you know the feeling. The mix of pride, tears, and thankfulness that just about undoes you. I’d love to hear your story too.

Grateful you’re here,
Sarah

When the Nest Refills: Embracing Parenting & Midlife Flourish

When we sat down to record this episode of Running Ahrens, we didn’t expect it to hit quite so close to home,  literally. A year ago, we thought our house was beginning to quiet down. Kids graduating, moving out, building their own lives. But now, three of our four are back under our roof, and it feels like a whole new chapter of parenting we never really planned for.

There are moments of laughter (and a lot of noise), a fair share of “how did we get here?” conversations, and plenty of gratitude. This isn’t the season we imagined, but it’s quickly becoming one we’re thankful for.

The Shift We Didn’t See Coming

Parenting adult children is different. It’s not about managing schedules or homework anymore. It’s about car insurance, phone bills, and navigating the blurred line between being an ATM and being a safety net. It’s making sure they feel supported while also nudging them toward independence.

And the stats back it up:

• 1 in 3 U.S. young adults live at home with their parents.

• 65% of families report tension around chores, money, or space.

• 74% of adult kids say they want emotional support, not advice.

We’re finding all of that to be true. Sometimes it’s funny, like Quinn still managing to lose something daily. Sometimes it’s frustrating, like dirty pans left in the sink when everyone swears they’ll “get to it later.” But beneath those small annoyances is a bigger reality: we’re learning how to set new boundaries, with our kids, with each other, and with our parents as we begin to support them more, too.

Growing Individually, Growing Together

While our kids are learning how to step into adulthood, Sarah and I are also evolving. Midlife has brought its own changes,  in our faith, in our marriage, and in how we see our roles in the world.

Richard Rohr talks about the “second half of life” as a time of deconstruction and reconstruction. That resonates with us right now. We’re asking better questions. We’re less interested in control and more focused on curiosity.

Individually, we’re pursuing new passions (Sarah’s taken up golf, Justin is all-in on exploring AI). Together, we’re learning to enjoy each other in ways that aren’t tied to raising small kids or running a business side by side.

And as we reflect, we keep coming back to this truth: what we choose to do now,  especially with our health, time, and relationships, is shaping whether our future selves will feel grateful or regretful.

Everyday Joys in a Full House

Yes, dinner planning after 30 years can feel exhausting. Yes, empty boxes in the fridge still make us crazy. But this season also brings small, everyday joys we don’t want to overlook:

• Family dinners that turn into long conversations about the day’s wins and losses.

• Watching shows together on the couch, laughing at the same ridiculous moments.

• Morning coffee talks where the house feels both busy and connected.

These rhythms may not have been the plan, but they’re a gift,  a chance to enjoy one another in a way we know we’ll look back on with gratitude.

Parenting While Parenting Up

There’s another shift happening, too: our parents are aging. We’re stepping in more often to support their health, transitions, and daily needs. It’s a privilege, but also a reminder,  someday, our kids will be in this role for us.

That thought has made us ask hard but good questions: How do we want to prepare now? What can we learn from caring for our parents that will help our kids someday? How can we make it easier for them to walk with us in the future?

We don’t have all the answers yet. But we want to be intentional. Just as we’re guiding our kids into adulthood, we also want to guide them in how to care for us when the time comes,  with honesty, openness, and love.

If You’re in This Season Too…

Here are a few things we’re learning (and unlearning) about parenting adult kids while still growing ourselves:

1. Support without smothering
   Be available, but don’t take over. Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen without fixing.

2. Set clear expectations
   Whether it’s chores, bills, or shared space, talk openly. Don’t assume they know what you want.

3. Celebrate progress, not perfection
   Launching takes time. Some steps forward, some steps back,  and that’s normal.

4. Keep room for yourself
   Your life, your marriage, and your faith are still evolving. Give each other the space to grow individually, not just as parents.

5. Look forward with intention
   How you care for your parents now shapes how your kids will someday care for you. And how you invest in your health, your habits, and your relationships today will determine whether your future self thanks you,  or regrets the choices you avoided making.

The Story We’re Living

Parenting in the launch years is both harder and better than we expected. It’s frustrating at times, but it’s also deeply rewarding. We’re stretched, we’re learning, and we’re grateful.

So if you’re in this stage,  whether your kids are coming home, heading out, or boomeranging between both,  know that you’re not alone. It’s a lot. And it’s also a great time to be a parent.

Thanks for walking through this season with us.

With gratitude,
Justin & Sarah

When Loud Kids Don’t Feel Heard: What Quinn’s Story Has Taught Us So Far

We thought we had Quinn figured out.

He was the third of four. The tall one. The loud one. The full-speed, full-volume, all-in kid from the jump.

He made friends easily. Lit up the sidelines. Always had a story to tell, even if you didn’t ask for it. He was the kind of kid who filled the house and the silence at the same time.

But here’s the truth we didn’t see back then:
Sometimes, the loudest kids still don’t feel heard.
And sometimes, the ones who seem “fine” are just the best at covering it up.

The Middle Kid Mystery

Birth order isn’t a formula, but it does matter. Psychologists say middle children are more likely to become adaptable, diplomatic, and independent, because they have to be.

But they’re also the least likely to be asked:
“Hey, how are you really doing?”

They’re the ones in motion. The ones you don’t worry about because you’re worrying about the oldest’s firsts or the youngest’s meltdowns.

We didn’t realize it at the time, but that’s what was happening with Quinn.

He was the peacekeeper (sometimes), he actually held things in vs share how he was feeling. The entertainer. The easy laugh. And deep down, he was trying to carry a lot.

What We Missed

He had speech issues as a little kid, and we cheered him on through it, but we didn’t always stop to ask what it felt like.

He got injured during a key moment in his athletic career, and we didn’t fully believe him at first. Not because we didn’t love him, but because we thought pushing him was helping.

We heard the noise, the drive, the big energy.

But we didn’t hear the quiet parts, the doubts, the fears, the questions he didn’t know how to ask yet.

What We’re Learning

Quinn is older now. So are we. And looking back, we can see it more clearly.

We know that:

• Being loud doesn’t mean being fine

• Birth order can shape how seen (or invisible) a kid feels

• The kid who gets the least of your worry might carry the most weight

And maybe most of all:
Being present isn’t just about being there.
It’s about noticing. Asking twice. Listening without fixing.

Stats That Matter

• Middle children are 30% more likely to describe themselves as overlooked compared to oldest or youngest siblings (Psychology Today)

• 67% of Gen Z say they define success more by emotional wellness than traditional achievement (Pew Research)

• Over 33% of youth athletes experience injuries that change their sports trajectory, and over 70% of them report feeling misunderstood by coaches or parents in recovery (American Academy of Pediatrics)

One More Thing

If you’re raising a middle kid, a strong kid, a loud kid, or any kid, really, we hope this episode and reflection remind you of this:

Sometimes, they don’t need advice. They just need to be believed.
Sometimes, they don’t need more direction. They just need to know you see them.

We missed it for a while. But we’re trying to show up differently now.

Thanks, Quinn, for helping us hear the quiet parts, even when you were shouting.

Running with you,
Justin & Sarah

25 Years, One Business, and a Whole Lot of Life: Reflections on Building Rule29 Together

When we sat down to record this episode of Running Ahrens, we honestly weren’t sure how it would go. We’ve told pieces of the Rule29 story before, over coffee, at conferences, on walks with friends. But this was the first time we both sat down together to really unpack it. Start to finish. No script. Just the truth.

And wow, did it bring up a lot.

There were laughs (employee attire flashbacks), unexpected tears, and a whole lot of “do you remember that?” moments. But more than anything, this episode reminded us of just how much we’ve built, learned, survived, and shared, together.

The Power of Looking Back

Reflecting on the early days, starting Rule29 while pregnant, navigating unpredictable cash flow, running a business from our unfinished basement, was humbling. We didn’t have a roadmap. We had each other, a shared vision (most of the time), and a whole lot of grit. Looking back now, it’s easy to see the lessons. But back then? It was mostly late nights, hard conversations, and figuring it out as we went.

And yet, we’d do it again.

Because even though it was hard, it was ours.

Gratitude in the Grit

We are deeply grateful, to the team members who joined us when we could barely pay ourselves, to our families who helped us juggle babies and budgets, and to each other. There were seasons we carried different loads, and times we didn’t feel seen in the work. But there was always respect, even when we were stretched to the edges of our capacity.

This episode made us realize how rare it is to go through that kind of professional and personal journey side by side, and still be laughing (mostly) about it on the other side.

If You’re Building Something Together…

Here are a few takeaways we’d share with any couple or partners trying to grow something meaningful without losing themselves, or each other, along the way:

1. Have the hard conversations early

We wrote a contract to protect our roles, responsibilities, and expectations. It felt odd at the time, but it saved us more times than we can count. Get aligned. Write it down. Revisit it often.

2. Know your strengths—and your limits

One of us is a big-picture dreamer (hi, Justin). The other is the operational rock (that’s Sarah). When we leaned into what we each do best, the business thrived. When we tried to do everything together? Not so much.

3. Separate the business from the marriage (when you need to)

Sometimes the biggest gift you can give your relationship is stepping away from the business. Sarah’s decision to leave Rule29 was incredibly hard, and exactly what we both needed to grow in new ways.

4. Celebrate the little wins

We were often so focused on the next milestone that we forgot to acknowledge how far we’d come. Every client, every hire, every late-night breakthrough mattered. Looking back, those were the moments that built our legacy.

5. Support doesn’t always look the same

One of us might be out front while the other holds everything together behind the scenes. It doesn’t mean one role is more important, it just means you’re on the same team, playing different positions.

The Story Continues

Rule29 is still growing. So are we. And though we’re no longer in the trenches of the day-to-day together, the foundation we built is still solid, and full of memories we’re incredibly proud of.

We hope this episode offers a little hope, a few laughs, and maybe even a gentle reminder: you don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep showing up, for the work, and for each other.

Thanks for being part of this story with us.

With gratitude,
Justin & Sarah

What Becomes of Us After the Breaking

There’s a version of life most of us imagine.
The one where the plan works, the relationships hold, and we grow into exactly who we thought we’d be.

But what happens when that version shatters?

What do we do when the marriage ends, the job disappears, the people we counted on are no longer there?

In this week’s episode of Running Ahrens, we sat down with our dear friend Kelly Allison, a brilliant creative, solo parent, and survivor of so many life-altering moments. Her story is layered, honest, and full of wisdom that’s stayed with us.

This post isn’t a recap of that conversation, it’s a reflection of what we learned from it. Because so much of what Kelly shared mirrors the quiet, messy, powerful work of becoming we’re all invited into.

Here are some truths we’re walking away with:

1. Boundaries are a form of love.
Not everyone will understand the lines you draw.
But protecting your peace, especially when you’ve fought to find it, isn’t selfish. It’s sacred.

2. Grief doesn’t mean you’re broken.
You can love someone deeply and still feel pain, confusion, even anger in their absence.
Grief and gratitude can live in the same space. So can heartbreak and healing.

3. Rebuilding your life might look nothing like what came before.
And that’s okay.
Sometimes rebuilding means reinventing.
Sometimes it means doing the thing you were afraid to name.
Sometimes it means admitting: “I need something different now.”

4. Chosen family is real family.
The people who show up, affirm your identity, and fight for your belonging, those are your people. You don’t owe anyone access to your story if they refuse to see who you truly are.

5. Creativity is more than expression, it’s survival.
We were made to make. And sometimes, making is the only way we find our way back to ourselves.

If you’re in the thick of becoming…

We see you.

Maybe you’re setting new boundaries for the first time.
Maybe you're holding grief that no one else can see.
Maybe you’ve walked away from something, or someone, you once built your life around. Maybe you’re finally stepping into your own story.

Whatever season you're in, here’s what we believe:

You are not too much.
You are not too late.
And your story is not over.

You are becoming. And that’s enough.

This is what we took away from Kelly’s story.
And maybe, some part of it is for you too.

With grace,
Justin & Sarah

What We’ve Learned From Running Ahrens (So Far)

Over the long (and much-needed) 4th of July weekend, we finally had some space to breathe. To slow down. To take a few deep, grilled-food-filled breaths and reflect on what this whole Running Ahrens journey has been so far.

The honest answer? It’s been really fun. Honestly, way more fun than we expected. And somehow more vulnerable, more stretching, and more rewarding, too.

This podcast started as a way for us to look back and talk through the mess and meaning of our story. It includes marriage, parenting, business, faith, failure, reinvention, and raising humans who don’t turn out to be jerks. We thought maybe a few people might listen. We didn’t expect the feedback, the laughter, or how many of you would say, “I thought I was the only one…”

We’re learning a lot. And we’re not just saying that to tie a bow on it. We really are.

1. Honesty resonates.

Every time we’ve hit publish on something that made our stomachs flip. Those moments where we told the harder or uncomfortable stories, admitted where we got it wrong, or talked about what we’re still trying to figure out, you showed up.

You sent messages like “That felt like my life,” or “I cried in the car,” or “My partner and I finally had the conversation we’ve been avoiding.”

We can’t even explain how meaningful that is.

Turns out, people don’t need or want perfect. They just need permission to be real.

2. You’re listening and we’re so grateful.

We never expected to build this kind of connection, and we definitely didn’t expect to make people laugh as much as we have. (Special thanks to the person who made a drinking game out of how often we say “for sure.” We see you.)

Whether it’s awkward stories from our early years, sideline parenting confessions, or a little sarcasm thrown in the mix, we’ve realized laughter is a gift. Especially when it shows up alongside real conversation.

If you’ve shared an episode with a friend, quoted something back to us, or just quietly listened while folding laundry or walking the dog, Thank you.

You make this worth doing.

3. We’re still learning. Every single episode.

We’re not coming to this with answers. That’s not our lane. We’re showing up with questions, with hindsight, and with a willingness to keep going.

And every time we sit down to record, we walk away a little more awake to something we didn’t know we needed to face.

We’ve seen the impact our upbringings had on our marriage and our kids. We’ve owned where we pushed too hard in parenting. We’ve gotten clearer about what we want this next chapter to look like. And we’re learning how to tell the truth without wrapping it in shame.

It’s been uncomfortable at times. But also deeply freeing.

4. The feedback, even the awkward stuff, makes us better.

You weren’t wrong. Our intro and outro needed help. We fixed them.

We’ve heard the vocal tics, the phrases we repeat, the moments we talk over each other. We cringe too. But the fact that you’re listening close enough to notice? That means something.

You’re not just tuning in. You’re in this with us. That’s more than we could’ve asked for.

We started this podcast so we could do something together and hoping it might create space for honest conversations. What it’s done is remind us that none of us are doing life alone. That we all need community. And that sometimes, sitting in the mess together is more healing than pretending we’ve got it figured out.

So thank you. For being here. For cheering us on. For letting us take this next step with you.

We’re just getting started and we’re so glad you’re running along with us.

If there’s a topic you’d love to hear us tackle, something real, something funny, something you’ve been chewing on, let us know. Message us, email us, or shout it out from the sidelines. We’d love to bring your questions, stories, and “oh man, same” moments into the conversation.

Big love,
Sarah and Justin

EP 8: Baby of the Family, Boss of the Moment: Ava Takes the Mic

If you have been listening to Running Ahrens for any length of time, you know we are not shy about sharing the real stories. We talk about the messy, beautiful, laugh-until-you-cry moments that come with running a business, parenting four wildly different kids, and trying (with varying degrees of success) to keep our marriage and sanity intact.

This week, we tried something brand new. For the first time, we flipped the mic and handed it to one of our kids. And not just any kid, our youngest, Ava.

If you know Ava, you know she does not tiptoe around a topic. She brings honesty, energy, and the kind of perspective only the youngest child can offer in a big, busy, sometimes chaotic family like ours.

What Happens When Your Kid Interviews You?

Let’s be real: we thought we were prepared. After all, we have spent years reflecting on our parenting wins, failures, and all the moments in between. But nothing prepares you for hearing your child, now an independent, outspoken young woman, describe your family, your rules, your quirks, and your mistakes right back to you, live on the mic.

We asked Ava about everything: from the infamous “haircut coverup” to the secret sibling group chats, from what it means to be “the favorite” (her words, not ours) to how the rules changed with each child. She told us what it really takes to survive (and thrive) as the youngest. It takes thick skin, quick comebacks, and the ability to find humor in just about everything.

Lessons from the Youngest

Here’s the truth: parenting is not a science. It is a series of experiments. By the time we got to our fourth, we realized we were parenting a different kid, and, if we are honest, we were different parents. The rules had loosened, some boundaries had shifted, and we learned to let go of the idea that “fair” means “the same for everyone.”

Ava reminded us that every child, especially the youngest, sees the family through a unique lens. She was not overlooked, but she did learn how to make herself heard. She owned her independence, her sass, and even her mistakes. Hearing her talk about what she would emulate as a future parent (and what she would gladly leave behind) was humbling, hilarious, and deeply rewarding.

What We Are Grateful For

We are incredibly grateful for the opportunity to listen to our kids, especially when it pushes us out of our comfort zone. Ava’s honesty and humor are gifts to our family and, we hope, to everyone listening. It is a reminder that we get to keep learning and growing alongside our children, no matter how old they get.

We are grateful for you, too, our community of listeners who are walking this journey with us. Your support, your stories, and your willingness to show up and be real with us is what makes Running Ahrens so special.

Encouragement for You

No matter what season of family life you are in, know this: you are not alone. Parenting is full of trial and error. Each child is different. Each stage requires something new from us. The best thing we can do is stay present, keep laughing, and never be afraid to listen, really listen, to the ones we love.

Invite your kids into the conversation, ask the tough questions, and don’t worry if it gets a little messy. That is where the good stuff lives.

Top Takeaways from This Episode

• The youngest child often sees and experiences a different family than the oldest. Embrace those differences.

• Looser rules are not always a bad thing. Each child needs something unique.

• Secret sibling chats and group texts are real, and they are hilarious.

• Honest conversations with your kids can be both humbling and healing.

• Sometimes, the best parenting moments happen when you stop talking and start listening.

• Family stories are powerful. Share them, celebrate them, and learn from them together.

• There is no such thing as a perfect parent, but there is always room to be a present one.

The Real Gift: Vulnerability

Inviting Ava into this conversation was both a little scary and a lot beautiful. She challenged us, made us laugh, and gave us a glimpse into how our parenting looks from the other side. She reminded us that, at the end of the day, the legacy we are building is not about being perfect parents. It is about creating a family that is safe, supportive, and full of unconditional love (plus a healthy dose of sarcasm).

Your Turn

Whether you are raising your own crew, navigating the launch years, or simply trying to stay present for your family amid the chaos of business and life, we hope this episode encourages you to listen a little more, laugh a little harder, and maybe even hand the mic to your kids once in a while.

Running with you,
Justin & Sarah

P.S. Do not miss the end of the episode for a sneak peek at Ava’s new podcast, Ava’s Arena, where she is turning her boldness into a brand-new adventure.

Ep. 7 What It Really Means to Show Up: Lessons from Jeff & Ed

There are friends, and then there are the people who show up, no matter what. The ones who stand with you even when your stories look different, or your beliefs don’t perfectly align, or the world says you shouldn’t have much in common.

This week’s episode of Running Ahrens is a conversation we’ve wanted to have for a long time. We’re sitting down with our dear friends Jeff and Ed—a couple whose story is equal parts laughter, perseverance, legal paperwork, and the kind of love that makes you believe “forever” is possible.

Before we go any further, we want to say this:
We know that everyone’s story and background are different, and some of our listeners might find this episode stretches them in new ways. That’s okay—in fact, we think that’s what makes conversations like this matter. Our hope is that you’ll listen with curiosity and kindness, and maybe, like us, be inspired by the love, resilience, and community at the heart of Jeff and Ed’s story.

Love That Outlasts Everything

Jeff and Ed have lived through seasons where just showing up for each other was an act of courage. Their love story spans three and a half decades, multiple legal battles for recognition, the highs and lows of chosen family, and enough hilarious moments to fill an entire season of the show. They’ve taught us that love isn’t about the paperwork—it’s about showing up, laughing through the mess, and choosing each other again and again, even when it’s hard.

The Power of Showing Up
(Even When You Don’t Have To)

One of our favorite stories didn’t make the final cut of the episode, but it’s too good not to share here. Years ago, we hosted an independent movie premiere in Portland for a faith-based film we’d been working on. Honestly, it wasn’t exactly Jeff and Ed’s thing, and they knew it. But that night, not only did they show up—they brought friends, cheered for us, and supported the project and the organization for years afterward. No questions asked, no awkwardness, just pure support.

That’s what makes Jeff and Ed who they are. They model what it means to be the friend (and family) who celebrates with you, even if they’re not sure about the details. They show up. And if you’ve ever been the one on stage, or starting something new, you know just how much that matters.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode

• There’s no single “right way” to build a family, love makes its own rules.

• True belonging sometimes comes from the people you choose, not just the ones you’re born to.

• You don’t have to agree on everything to show up for each other.

• Laughter and resilience are two of the most underrated superpowers.

• Legal recognition matters—but so does kindness, support, and the everyday ways we stand by the people we love.

• The small ways we show up for each other can make the biggest impact.

Stay Connected with Jeff & Ed

Curious what they’re up to these days? Follow @thefishinghamlife on Instagram to keep up with Fishingham travels, what Ed may be cooking at home, with friends or outdoors on the patio, and what Jeff is up to in The Fishingham Garden or in the gardens of others.

Resources for Community, Family, and More Information

Whether you’re seeking support, connection, or just more ways to be a great ally, here are a few organizations:

• PFLAG | Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (pflag.org)
  Provides support, education, and advocacy for families, friends, and allies of LGBTQ+ people. Many local chapters offer immediate and virtual support and resources.

• It Gets Better Project (itgetsbetter.org)
  A global movement that shares stories of hope and resilience to inspire LGBTQ youth.

• The Trevor Project (thetrevorproject.org)
  Provides 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention services for LGBTQ young people.

• HRC | Human Rights Campaign (hrc.org)
  Works to ensure that every LGBTQ+ person is free to live their life openly, with equal rights ensured. Their goal includes educating leaders and advocating for equality.

So, whether you’re navigating your own version of “chosen family,” building something from scratch, or just trying to be a little braver with your love, this episode is for you. Listen with an open heart. And maybe text a friend who’s shown up for you, just to say thanks.

Here’s to the friends (and family) who make space for all of us, even when the script isn’t what they expected.

Running with you,
Justin & Sarah

Ep 6: From Crazy Sports Parents to Learning to Let Go

We didn’t plan on being those sports parents.

But somewhere between shouting encouragement from the sidelines, replaying games on the ride home, and hoping for just one more tournament win, we crossed some lines. Not always big ones. But small enough and often enough to make us look back now and think: we could’ve done that better.

This episode of Running Ahrens is our honest reflection on parenting through sports. The wins, the mess-ups, the sidelines, the pressure, and how we slowly learned to let go (and still cheer like crazy).

The Missed Shot

We start with a moment that’s stayed with Sarah for years: a grainy VHS clip of Sarah’s last high school basketball game. Final seconds. A missed game-winning layup. It felt like failure for a long time.

But when we rewatched it together, we saw something different, her hustle, leadership, and heart. We saw who she really was as an athlete. And more than that, who she was becoming.

It reminded us how often we, and our kids, define a moment by its worst second, instead of the bigger story.

What We Got Right (and What We Didn’t)

We showed up. We clapped and cheered (sometimes too loudly!). We did all the things sports parents do. But we also put pressure where we should’ve put support. We let our own pasts shape our expectations of our kids. We confused pushing for encouragement.

We reflect on:

• Times we cheered like crazy (and maybe embarrassed them a little)

• Times we pushed too hard because of what we missed out on

• Times we thought effort and excellence were the same thing

• And how we’re slowly learning to parent with more presence and less pressure

One Ride Home Changed Our View

There’s a short video we share in this episode called The Ride Home. It didn’t haunt us, but it felt way too familiar.

A kid climbs into the car after a game. He’s quiet. The parent starts talking, breaking down plays, offering “help.” You can almost feel the kid shrinking.

We’ve been there. We’ve done that.

And now? We do our best to make the ride home a space for support, not a second scoreboard.

Things We’re Learning (and Unlearning):

• Let your child’s sports story be theirs—not a second chance at yours

• Being present > being perfect

• The sidelines are for cheering, not coaching (Car rides home too)

• Your kid wants to be seen, not studied

• A well-timed “I love watching you play” goes further than you think

For All the Parents in the Stands

If you’ve ever replayed the game instead of just riding home in peace…
If you’ve ever wanted something so badly for your kid that you forgot to ask what they wanted…
If you’ve ever felt unsure of how to support your child without pushing too hard—

You’re not alone.

This episode is for you.

Because we’re all learning. We’re all doing the best we can. And we believe every parent deserves the grace to grow—just like our kids do.

So wherever you are in your parenting journey—on the sidelines, in the stands, or just trying to keep up with the schedule—we hope this reminds you that your love, your presence, and your effort matter more than perfection ever will.

Thanks for being here. We’re cheering for you.

Justin & Sarah

Ep 5: Grateful for the Rowans: A Story of Love, Resilience, and Starting Again

Some stories stay with you. Not because they’re perfect, but because they’re true. That’s how we feel about our friends, Martin and Heila Rowan.

We’ve known the Rowans for years, but sitting down with them to record this episode of Running Ahrens reminded us how deeply meaningful it is to witness someone else’s journey, especially when they’re brave enough to tell it honestly.

Martin and Heila moved to the United States with five suitcases, a five-month-old baby, and five hundred dollars. They were young, in love, and determined to build a better life. And they did. They raised two incredible daughters. They started a successful business. They carved out a life with grit, generosity, and a beautiful sense of adventure.

But like so many of us who try to balance ambition, love, and family, their story wasn’t without struggle.

Behind the success was stress. Behind the smiles, a growing distance. There came a point where things didn’t just feel off, they nearly fell apart. And in one of the most powerful moments of our conversation, they shared what it took to face the truth, to choose vulnerability, and to fight their way back to each other.

It would’ve been easier to walk away. But they stayed. They did the hard work. They rebuilt, not just their marriage, but their friendship, their connection, and their faith.

We’re so grateful to know them. And we’re so honored they trusted us enough to share their story.

A Few Takeaways That Hit Home:

• It’s easy to confuse providing with presence. Martin talked about how his role as a provider became a shield, something he used to justify long hours, emotional distance, and decisions made alone. It wasn’t until things broke open that he realized his family didn’t just need his income, they needed him.

• Unspoken hurt becomes separation. Heila shared how years of silence and emotional suppression built up into resentment, loneliness, and a breaking point. Her honesty reminded us that pain unspoken doesn’t disappear, it grows.

• Your partner is not your business partner — unless they are. And even then, communication, clarity, and humility matter. Just because you're building something together doesn’t mean you're building it the same way. The Rowans had to learn how to collaborate without one person dominating the vision or voice.

• Redemption is possible. Through therapy, hard conversations, and faith, they came back stronger. Not perfect, but more connected. More honest. More present.

If You’re Struggling…

First, know this: you’re not alone.

Whether you’re running a business, a household, or just trying to keep your relationship from going off the rails — these stories matter. They remind us that even the strongest couples hit breaking points. That success and love don’t always go hand-in-hand. That asking for help isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom.

If something in this episode stirred something in you, let it. Let it be the sign to check in with your spouse. To schedule that therapy session. To take the walk and have the conversation you’ve been avoiding. To speak what’s been buried.

Marriage isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about growing. And sometimes, it’s about starting again, even with someone you’ve known forever.

To Martin and Heila, thank you for your courage, your faith, and your love. Your story reminds us that redemption is real. And we’re better for knowing you.

Here’s to building better — together!

Justin & Sarah

Be Generous With Your Scars

I was sitting with my friend Mike O'Reilly the other day when he shared a quote that really struck a chord: “The more you learn, the more you share.”

In that moment, I felt a surge of understanding. Mike went on to recommend a book by Scott Mann, Nobody Is Coming to Save You: A Green Beret’s Guide to Getting Big Sht Done*, where the idea of being “generous with your scars” resonated deeply with me. It’s the idea that the hardest moments in our lives shouldn’t be hidden away or glossed over. Instead, they can be transformed into lessons that uplift and guide others.

This philosophy is at the heart of why Sarah and I started the 'Running Ahrens' podcast. We’ve never pretended to have all the answers, and we’re not claiming to be experts. What we do have is our lived experience, our journey as a couple balancing marriage, parenting, business, family, relationships, and community, with all the ups and downs, the laughter, and the heartbreaks that come with it. We know that behind every “perfect” photo or story is a messy, beautiful reality that often goes unseen.

When we decided to start the podcast, we didn’t do it just to talk about ourselves. We wanted to create a space where we could be honest, share what we’re learning, and invite others to do the same. We believe that by being generous with our scars, by sharing the lessons we’ve learned from the challenges and the joys alike, we can help others feel less alone and more equipped to face their own journeys.

Because ultimately, the best part of life is running it together, walking alongside each other, sharing what we know, and learning as we go. If this resonates with you, if you believe in the power of sharing your story and learning from the stories of others, we’d love for you to join us on the 'Running Ahrens' podcast. Let’s keep learning, sharing, and growing, together.

Ep 4: The Gift of This Stage: Parenting in the Launch Year

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how grateful I am to be right here, right now—parenting four incredible kids who are all in the launch years of their lives.

Some are in college, some are figuring out their first jobs, and all of them are, in their own ways, growing into the adults they’re meant to be. And in the process, I’m realizing that Justin and I are growing, too.

This stage of parenting is complex. It’s full of laughter and laundry, of quiet pride and quiet fears. It’s the art of learning to let go without letting go of connection. And it’s also, sometimes to my surprise, full of deep gratitude.

Key Learnings:

• 74% of adult children want emotional support, not advice. This reminds me to listen more than I speak and to trust that they’re capable of figuring things out.

• Respecting their autonomy isn’t just kind, it’s what builds stronger long-term relationships.

• The brain doesn’t fully develop until around 25, so yes, that explains a lot, and it gives me patience. 😉

Parenting doesn’t end, it transforms. And in this season, I’m learning that transformation is a two-way street. As our kids discover who they are, we’re discovering new versions of ourselves, too. We’re learning to be mentors instead of managers, companions instead of controllers. We’re learning to hold space for their choices and to find joy in simply being present.

Takeaways for Anyone in This Season:

• Show up with presence, not pressure.

• Let your kids see your vulnerability—it’s not weakness; it’s an invitation for them to be real, too.

• Remember: it’s okay not to have it all figured out. Your presence is enough.

• Celebrate the small, silly moments (like six adults sharing one laundry room!) as much as the big milestones.

• Most importantly, love them without condition and trust that they’re on their own journey.

This stage—parenting adult kids—isn’t always easy. But today, I’m choosing to see it for what it is: a gift. And I’m so grateful to be in it.

💛,
Sarah

The Evolving Gift of Friendship

Friendship is one of life’s most precious gifts. Some friends walk with us through decades, while others join us for just a chapter or two. Both types hold value, and each brings its own unique beauty. It’s rare and remarkable to have friends who know your past and love you not because of it, but in spite of it. They’ve witnessed your growth, your setbacks, and your comebacks and they’ve stayed. That kind of shared history is a quiet kind of power.

Then there are the friends who come into your life in later seasons. Maybe during the chaos of raising kids, the endless string of soccer games and school pick-ups, or now, in the quieter space that follows. These friends meet you where you are. They help you notice and appreciate the moment you’re living, right as you’re living it.

As a married couple, friendship takes on even more layers. Women’s friendships tend to run deep. They are often anchored in emotion, empathy, and the unspoken understanding that you don’t have to fix anything to be a safe place. I’ve had a friend since first grade who’s still in my life. When I was transitioning out of Rule29 and trying to figure out what was next, we sat down to talk. After knowing each other for 45 years, we realized we barely knew what the other did professionally. That’s not where our friendship lived. It lived in the more human places of our hearts, our doubts, our hopes.

Still, in that moment, she connected me to my next job. Not because of what we talked about for years, but because she knew me. It wasn’t about networking. It was about relationship. That connection shifted something for me. It reminded me that different styles of friendship, whether rooted in shared activity or quiet understanding, each have something to teach us.

Men’s friendships, at least in our experience, are often built around shared experiences-work, sports, common interests. But if you’re lucky, as a couple, you find other couples who blend it all. People who know your stories, your kids, and your quirks. People who will sit with you when things fall apart and cheer with you when they come together.

That’s where we are now. I have friends I’d call family, and so does Justin. We have couple friends who make us better individually and together. Friends who love our kids, ask about them by name, and root for them just as hard as we do. That’s a joy I don’t take lightly.

Looking back on all the friends who’ve been part of my life, those still near and those who were just for a time,I feel overwhelming gratitude. And honestly? Excitement. Because I don’t think we’re done creating friendships. Each one, past or present, adds something vibrant to the picture. And I know the best ones always show up just when you need them most.

Thanks for reading and sharing this space with us. Here’s to the friends who stay for a season, a lifetime, and everything in between.

– Sarah

Why We Started Running Ahrens: Honest Reflections on Life and Partnership

When we started “Running Ahrens,” I’ll admit, I felt a twinge of fear. Putting our lives out there-our stories, our experiences, our messy middle, was daunting.

It’s incredibly intimidating to put yourself out into the social media landscape, where every word and moment can be critiqued. I’ve never seen myself as an expert, just someone who’s lived through a lot of the real, unfiltered parts of life. And let’s be honest, there’s always a messy middle, because we’re never truly done growing or figuring things out.

But that vulnerability? It scared me. Yet, I felt a strong pull to share our journey, not because I have all the answers, but because I know the value of hearing someone else’s honest experiences. I wish I’d had someone to tell me these things, to share their stories when I was navigating those uncertain spaces.

One of my favorite things about Justin is how much he’s made me laugh over the years, and the stories we have to tell are often a mix of embarrassing and really fun moments. By sharing our failures with the wisdom of hindsight, we hope to normalize those scary spaces, the questions, and the fears. We want to foster a community where we celebrate each other’s successes as much as we acknowledge our struggles. Because in the end, it’s all about growing together and supporting one another through every chapter of life.

So thank you for being here — for listening, reading, and sharing in these stories with us. We’re so grateful for this space to be real, to laugh, to stumble, and to keep going together. Here’s to the journey ahead, and the grace to grow through it all.

– Sarah

Ep 3: Some Lessons from 31 Years of Marriage and Business

31 years. That’s how long Sarah and I have been figuring out how to build a life together—raising four kids, starting businesses, navigating the beautiful messiness of real life. Some days, we feel like we’re just getting started.

We’ve learned a lot. But if there’s one thing that stands out, it’s this: It’s not about never falling—it’s about learning how to fall together, get back up, and keep running.

Early on, we didn’t know what we didn’t know. We were young, broke, and didn’t have a roadmap. But we had each other, and the belief that we could figure it out as a team.

Today, 31 years later, we’re still learning.
We’re learning that respect and trust are the roots that keep everything steady.
That laughter is a lifeline.
That what matters isn’t how polished your story looks, it’s how you show up, especially when it’s messy.

Here’s what I’m taking with me:

✅ Team thinking matters. The biggest storms we’ve faced? We got through them by leaning into “we” instead of “me.”
✅ Check-ins are everything. Our yearly weekend away has saved us more times than we can count. It’s not magic—it’s showing up, listening, and naming the hard stuff.
✅ Change starts with you. The most powerful shifts in our marriage have come when I stopped trying to fix Sarah—and started looking at myself.
✅ There’s always room for laughter. Even when it’s hard. Maybe especially then.

We’re sharing this not because we have it all figured out—but because we believe there’s power in honest conversations. In sharing what we’ve learned, so others know they’re not alone.

So if you’re in the thick of building something—be it a marriage, a business, or just your own life, I hope this encourages you to keep going. To keep showing up, even when you’re not sure how.

Because it’s not about being perfect.
It’s about staying in it.
Together.

Let’s keep running,

Justin

Building Running Ahrens: Stories of Learning, Laughter, and Legacy

We didn’t start Running Ahrens because we had it all figured out. We started it because we didn’t.

After more than 30 years of marriage, four kids, a few businesses, countless failures, some really beautiful wins, and an ongoing effort to be decent humans, we realized we had some stories to tell. Not because they’re perfect stories, but because they’re real ones.

For over 20 years, we did nearly everything together—raising kids, building a life, and running Rule29. But a few years ago, we entered a new chapter. Justin continued with Rule29, and Sarah stepped into new roles outside of it. For the first time in decades, we weren’t creating something together professionally and we missed it.

That’s part of why we started Running Ahrens. We wanted to make space for something we could build side by side again.

We also created it because this is the kind of content we would’ve loved to hear years ago. When we were navigating early marriage, launching a business with a newborn at home, and learning, usually the hard way, how to hold onto each other through the chaos.

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This isn’t a show about being experts. We’re not. But we are experienced and we’re willing to talk about what went well and what absolutely didn’t.

What we’re trying to do here is create something meaningful:

• Something that makes you laugh and think.

• Something that gives you a little courage to have those hard conversations.

• Something that reminds you you’re not the only one figuring it out as you go.

We want Running Ahrens to be a safe and comfortable space to explore hard topics without judgment, just openness. We want to have the kinds of conversations that stretch you, encourage you, and make you feel seen.

That means interviews with people who’ve mentored us, inspired us, challenged us, and made us laugh until we cried. It means sharing the ideas, books, and stories that have changed the way we live and love. It means showing up as ourselves, different in so many ways, but deeply committed to the life we’ve built together.

This podcast is for anyone trying to stay in it for the long game. Whether that’s in marriage, parenting, faith, business, or just becoming more of who you’re meant to be.

We’re glad you’re here. Let’s keep running.

—Justin & Sarah